Andrew W. resumes Church Basements, his tales from the world of Alcoholics Anonymous:

In church basements alcoholic men and women are asked to tell others “How it was, what happened, and what it is like now.” Often their physical wounds, too, bear witness.

Among AAers Scars are ubiquitous, long or short, gouged deep or superficial. Most members who end up sharing “how it was” at AA meetings carry that message someplace on their bodies. Even if many scars are covered by clothing, it can be alarming (and sobering) to witness how much of the members’ past is writ on their bodies.

Missing limbs, digits, eyes, ears and arms are among the many manifestations of long drinking and drug careers. As members share “how it was,” explanation of the scars often comes to light. Automobile crashes, fights, falls, suicide attempts, burns and limps are a common history shared in one form or another by members. Abuse, too, leaves numerous scars outside and in.

But the scars themselves are seldom specifically mentioned when AA members share their stories. It’s as if the injuries are a given and so they are largely ignored in members’ stories. Predictably the men carry more, but wrist-slash scars and other signs of self-injury are more common among the women.

Emotional scarring, in contrast, is both evident and usually the centerpiece of a member’s story. Tears are common.

That’s how it was with Phil who once mentioned he had killed a son riding with him when he hit a tree. Phil’s right arm is crooked, most likely from the crash.

These are the emblems of the trauma these people bring with them to the meetings. Badges of dishonor, as it were, because although recovering alcoholics and addicts are told their “illness” is like diabetes, few really believe that. Instead they share with the general population the belief that they are weak or “damaged goods,” as one referred to herself the other day.

Though admonished not to relive the past, some guilt often remains. Why else would our groups be called “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Something needs hiding. After all there is no “Diabetics Anonymous.”

The scars are also testament to recovery, and that is most commonly the theme of “what it is like now.” That is the new reality that AA members are eager to share. While scars are mute reminders of the past, smiles and laughter that speak to the joy of recovery are just as common.

Posted by Jerome Doolittle at January 07, 2009 10:07 AM

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